Travel Snafus, Dancing Bears and Academy Award Winning Actresses

Hello! I am typing this, not from my laptop in a Starbucks in Hammersmith, but from my actual home computer! I can scarcely believe I am home. It is a strange feeling.

My flight was originally supposed to leave around 11 this morning, but when I did the online check-in yesterday it said the flight would leave at 13:15, which is fine, I got some time in the morning for one last Full English Breakfast before I left.

EXCEPT for two small problems:

1) My brain is no longer functioning at 100% capacity (based on average norms, not on any assumption that my brain has ever run at full capacity); and:

2) The London Underground chose a most inopportune time to finally fail me.

I got on the Tube to go to Paddington station and pick up the Heathrow Express, a 15-minute express train. However, about 3 stops into the journey I realize that I am instead retracing the route to Euston station, where I had gotten off the Caledonian Sleeper yesterday morning. There is no Heathrow Express from Euston. I'm going the wrong way!

Quickly jumping off the Eastbound Piccadilly Line (to Cockfosters) to the Westbound (which actually goes as far as Heathrow but takes significantly longer than an express train), I made for the South Kensington stop, where I could change to the Circle line to get to Paddington. But no, the Circle has chosen this particular Tuesday morning to experience catastrophic crippling delays, and as an alternate route would I please take the District line in the opposite direction for a few stops then get back on the Circle line going in the opposite direction to no no no I am going to miss my flight that is way too far out. Back to the Piccadilly, where I took my chances timewise. I ended up getting through Security with little time to spare.

The plane ride was significantly better than last time, mostly because of the entertainment system. The little TV was a touch screen and there were a lot of different things to watch and you could make your own music playlists and wow it was mind blowing. Since the flight was 7 and a half hours, I had time to watch almost three films. Appaloosa was really good. Ed Harris is one of those actors who never gets enough credit. City of Ember, which I thought might be crappy but took a chance on, was significantly better than I thought it would be. How To Lose Friends and Alienate People was the one I didn't get to finish, but I'm not too worried about it. It gets plus points for having Simon Pegg, Danny Huston, Gillian Anderson and Jeff Bridges, but minus points for being not all that funny really and having Kirsten Dunst in it. Seriously.

In between all these films, I found that they had some episodes of that old Paddington Bear stop-motion show. I've been looking for a DVD of these forever, so this was probably one of the highlights of my trip (which sounds like my trip must have been awful, but you underestimate my love for stop motion Paddington). I was watching Paddington doing "Singin' In The Rain" and I was seriously thinking that my plane could crash directly into the ocean right then and I would just have a big stupid grin on my face the whole time. SERIOUSLY.Thank you, YouTube, for illustrating my point.

Anyway, I'm not going to complain about the airplane food, everyone does that (but a salmon & cucumber sandwich? Really?), but I will reveal that there was a famous person on my flight today! I walked down the ramp right behind her! We waited for our luggage less than five feet from each other! She smiled at me once because her daughter said hello to me! ZOMG I WILL NEVER WASH THESE EYEBALLS AGAIN!

Gwyneth Paltrow is prettier in real life than in the movies, and her two kids are a handful, like most kids their ages. Where's Coldplay Guy? Probably stealing bass lines from Les Claypool or something. I kid! I like Coldplay, but they're so incredibly pretentious. Still, "Clocks" is seriously a great song. But yeah, Pepper Potts herself. New York is pretty great.

The subway ride home was interesting, since I had the privilege of making a direct comparison between it and the Tube. My comparison is this: the Tube has been around since the 1800s. It is the oldest subway in the world. They have escalators all over the place. They have mostly fabric-cushioned seats. The New York subway is dirty, smelly, and has no escalators that I've ever encountered. There is a lot of work to be done here.

I swore I'd get a pizza tonight and I ordered one on the train ride home. I tore it up, there's like two pieces left. Modern is great! I haven't driven in like two weeks, and it's not like you forget but I was a little nervous. I was driving too fast. It'll come back. On the way home I had to stop to get milk and almost paid with pounds (crap, I still have pounds!), then when I did pay with dollars and got my change, instead of saying thank you I said, "Cheers, mate," like I was back in the UK. I don't think the clerk heard me. I hope not. I expect that sort of thing will happen here and there for a few days. And jet lag, aaaaarrgh, it's like almost 3 AM for me right now.......

I'm happy to be back home to see my friends and eat pizza, but I miss being out and about already...and it's so cold...so cold here...

Things To Do In Inverness When You Have A Full Afternoon Free

1) Go to local mall, find Starbucks, run laptop battery down in a feverish attempt to update blog/Facebook/check email.

2) Catch a football match in a pub; have lunch in same. Celtic and Motherwell played to a 1-1 draw, in case you were wondering.

3) Take some pictures of the town.4) Wait for over three hours in the Inverness train station (it's not even a nice train station!) for the Sleeper.

Drum wasn't very cold, even at night. This is probably due to the loch. Inverness was stupid cold. Like low 30s cold, which I am now no longer accustomed to, apparently! I think it really wasn't that cold but the wind was insanely cold. And out here, train stations are enclosed but the tracks lead into the station, so the station is effectively open to the cold and wind. So I was sitting inside but not really. An old drunk guy asked me for 50p, and I gave it to him. I have so much change now it's ridiculous.

The last hour or so of waiting, I conversed with an old lady named Chrissy who was going back home to some town out in the suburbs somewhere. She was coming back from her sister-in-law's funeral up near John O'Groats, which is well known as the furthest place north you can drive in Britain. She was pretty cool. She was telling me how she's never been on a plane before, but her son is taking her to Chicago and Minneapolis in June. Sounds like fun!

I liked the sleeper train, but I bought a single ticket and got a cabin with two bunks. This got me wondering - did someone buy the other bunk? Is some strange person going to be joining me in this cramped cabin, trapped in a room with my farts all night? Well, the sleeper stopped making stops around midnight, so I was able to get to sleep eventually.

Next morning, it was off the train before 8 and off to drop off my bags at the hotel. Through some stroke of good fortune, I was able to get my room right away instead of waiting until 2:00 for check-in. HOORAY FOR SHOWERS.

After that, it was breakfast and back to the British Museum for some photos and stuff, saw stuff I missed earlier. The original Hokusai Great Wave print they had on display has already been rotated out for the work of another ukiyo-e artist. Oh well.

Stopped at some souvenir shops. Now I'm sitting in Starbucks, checking in for my flight tomorrow, and getting you all up to date. Maybe I'll post tomorrow before I leave.

I WILL BE HAVING PIZZA FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.